Yesterday was Friends Christmas Day, a long standing tradition of almost 20 years which started as twelve ravers cooking a roast, playing mercilessly competitive charades and starring a lewd, drunk Santa. The event has since grown three-fold as the group gradually got shacked up, made babies, and more babies, and more babies.
Rewind a few years and Friends Christmas Day was always tinged with a sense of longing for me.
I'd watch my nearest and dearest lovingly tend to their offspring and voluntarily set my own ovaries into spasms from cuddling their little bundles. I'd witness the adoring smiles of the parents with whom I shared so many collective memories and wonder whether we'd come to a crossroads due to my childlessness. Would my friendships be compromised if motherhood didn't happen for me?
I observed the debauchery of Friends Christmas Day all but disappear as feeding schedules and bedtime routines took hold of the group. The roast dinner has morphed into a elegant finger buffet where the adults do their best to have meaningful conversations in between toddler meltdowns and potty breaks. I remember apologetic looks as they tried to maintain eye contact with the childless me talking about my work as their screaming 3 year old was hanging off one leg.
It was a tough gig for our very own Santa Claus (of the Pound shop costume variety) who did his best to cater for both audiences over the years. As the kids started outnumbering the grown ups one suspected Santa might be overcompensating for the childless amongst us as we all got to sit on his knee. Bless him or should I say, bless my lovely mates for their tact and diplomacy. It's a fine line between empathy and sympathy.
This year was a particularly significant and poignant one. It was my son's first ever Friends Christmas Day and also the year that all of us became parents. The universe delivered, in fact it's been a bumper harvest. I say this with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and also (surprisingly) a sigh of relief. What if we weren't all so fortunate?
Christmas can be a rather excruciating time for those who would prefer not be childless or single, particularly in group gatherings. Think about ways to make sure everyone feels included at this time of year without patronising them. I think it's fair to say we've all been there at some point, so we can all empathise.
Happy Holidays Everyone!
x
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